By Jim Hearson
And so we reach the final stretch of our re-imagining of Champions League winners with 1-to-11 instead of squad numbers. Understandably, this bit is especially Real Madrid-heavy, but by way of balance (and chronology), we’re going to begin with their Catalan rivals.
2015: Juventus 1 Barcelona 3
With the front six all lining up with numbers in the 1-to-11 category, we’re limited to concentrating on the defence – quite the opposite of the insanely creative team led by the MSN strike force. That said, we need to be a bit creative to make the available numbers fit the players in question.
Dani Alves is infamous for his scant regard for squad numbering norms, but even more infuriatingly, he doesn’t give us much wiggle room here, so we may as well put at least one round peg in a round hole, so he can take 2.
Sadly, there’s no easy solve for Javier Mascherano this time around, so he can take the centre back’s 6, leaving Jordi Alba with 7 at left back, much to our chagrin. However, let’s break out some of that creativity and justify it by deeming it to be a backwards negative Zamorano of his usual 18.
2016: Real Madrid 1 Atletico Madrid 1 (aet, Real won 5-3 on penalties)
Our first dose of Los Merengues for this part is thankfully a fairly kind one, after the gymnastics required in our last entry.
For both Dani Carvajal and Luka Modrić, their futures in Madrid would lead them to the 2 and 10 shirts, respectively, so why not start them off a little early? For Marcelo and Casemiro, we look towards the Seleção, with 6 and 5, respectively, being on the back of their canary yellow shirts, which fits our needs like a Kappa Kombat shirt.
2017: Juventus 1 Real Madrid 4
While Madrid retained their trophy, they didn’t retain the same starting XI, meaning we’ll need to shuffle a few people around for this final.
While 6 is still available, Marcelo will need to take 3 this time around, as – with 5 now being sported by Raphael Varane – 6 is much more appropriate for Casemiro. Again, we’re giving Modrić 10, as it would be pretty unthinkable not to, leaving Isco with the personally unfamiliar 11. It’s half of his usual 22 though, so it doesn’t feel too incongruous.
2018: Real Madrid 3 Liverpool 1
How familiar are you with the name Larry Tesler? For many, he’s likely to be unknown yet vital to your everyday life. We won’t keep you in suspense – he’s the man who’s largely credited with inventing the copy-and-paste functionality that we’d all be pretty lost without, so thank you, Larry!
Why mention him? Well, look at the picture – the players are same as last year, the only difference being that Modrić was officially wearing 10, with just Marcelo, Casemiro and Isco switching this time.
2019: Tottenham Hotspur 0 Liverpool 2
Certainly not more of the same this time around, with Liverpool’s continued numerical idiosyncrasies leaving us with some head scratching.
The obvious thing – after handing Alisson 1 – would be to give Trent Alexander-Arnold 2, but he’s avoided it for so long at Anfield, we’re genuinely concerned he may actually have an allergy to it. Given his (overly) attacking attitude, throwing him 7 has a certain logic to it.
Liverpool have never been afraid to have a centre back wearing 2 and a left back in 6, so there’s an air of familiarity about that for Joel Matip and Andy Robertson, respectively, while the midfield captain wearing 8 is an even more recognisable sight for the Reds.
2020: Paris Saint-Germain 0 Bayern Munich 1
With only three players with numbers in the 1-to-11 range – and all positionally suitable – this could be a bit of a free hit, but let’s keep some element of challenge to it by looking to the future for inspiration.
Player churn isn’t that much of a thing at Bayern, and they do have a pleasing trend of promoting first teamers to first-team numbers, so we’ll jump the gun a little on that, by putting Serge Gnabry in 7, Leon Goretzka in 8 and Kingsley Coman in 11.
Joshua Kimmich’s future number 6 is still inhabited by Thiago Alcantara at this point, so he’ll have to be happy with 2, while the rest of the defence can be similarly positionally appropriate, with Jérôme Boateng retaining the 5 we gave him in 2013, Alphonso Davies assuming 3 and David Alaba 4, his current number at Real Madrid. That leaves us with Thomas Müller in 10 this time, which feels suitable.
2021: Manchester City 0 Chelsea 1
Death, taxes and Chelsea not having a proper number 9 – universal truths, but the latter isn’t the biggest issue we have to contend with this time around.
How do you solve a problem like Reece James when both 2 and 7 are already occupied? 4 is an option, but then what do you give César Azpilicueta, with 5 and 6 taken? On the completely unfounded basis that a right wing-back wearing 8 just feels the odder option, we’ll chop the 2s off both players’ shirts and to hell with the consequences.
Elsewhere, it’s pretty straightforward, with Ben Chilwell assuming the 3 shirt you’d expect him to this summer, with Mason Mount taking 10 and Kai Havertz that problematic 9.
2022: Liverpool 0 Real Madrid 1
And so we come to the end of our mission, fittingly with the most decorated team in the history of the European Cup/Champions League. Happily, it’s a fairly trouble-free ending, given some of the contortions we’ve had to endure in previous years.
Casemiro can return to his Brazil 5, meaning we can multiply Ferland Mendy’s 23 to leave him with 6 – a pretty suitable number for a left-back, all things considered.
Up top, Fede Valverde played on the right, with Vini Jr on the left, so giving them 7 and 11, respectively, draws everything together nicely, and the latter’s use of 11 for the Seleção ties it all in a neat little bow.
Liverpool’s 18/19 is unique and very satisfying. Great stuff